I'm such a fucking hypocrite. Hah.

I don't want to be part of the problem
I try so hard to get roughed up
Fists on up, it looks that easy
It looks that way to me
It looks that way to you
But then there's you telling me I can
Then there's you screaming say something
I want the ocean right now
I want the ocean right now
I get so jealous that I can't even work
There I am in the morning
I don't like what I see
I don't know how it's become such a problem
Keep you up all night if I try to remain calm
How can they ask why I feel so angry
Do you see my problem if I never explain it
But then there's you asking me how long
Say something, it's taken me so long

I know you probably won't read this anyways, but i don't care.

I'm sorry, that last entry was uncalled for, but without it, you wouldn't have felt what it's like to be me. You wouldn't have felt what it's like to feel how you make me feel.

Did you know, your what makes me hurt the most? You always think it's him, but he makes me happy. I don't want you back, I have no feelings for you anymore, you've made me dead. You won't ever appologize. But whatever, i'm done. You make me hurt to much, i dont want the pain anymore.

I hope your fucking happy.

HAH!

Oh the bloody irony!

I'm always there for you, when you need me. But when I need you,, your nowhere to be found! (Of corse I know where the fuck you are. You broadcast it like the evening news) Did you honestly think I'd keep this one locked in my head?

No
Way
In
Hell
Sugar.

So tell me, when your with them, is it like being with me? Or do your forget that? Do your "forget" me. Hah.

I bet you don't.

Do I sound bitter?
Do I sound cold?
Do I sound spiteful?

Oh sugar, I am.

You tell me everythongs better, but that was a lie wasn't it? In my life, right now, I need a stable relation ship. Meaning, I don''t have to walk eggshells around you to make ure your not pissed off at me the next day. You out of anyone should know I don't have one of those with anyone. You out of everyone shoulda offered one.

But I don't care anymore. I've reached the breaking point. It doesn't hurt, it doesn't faze me. I don't feel it, I don't feel anything. I'm hallow, so go ahead, yell at me for this. Mske me feel bad, your only hurting yourself.

And by the way, thanks for ignoring me. Thank's for ignoring everything I told you. Thank you for leaving me out of the picture.

Or

Would you like me to lie to make you happy? Would you like me to talk about how Happy and how lucky you are. Would you? Because if it actually will get you to talk to me, and not leave me on the back burner, then I will.

If he's your everything, then that leaves me as nothing. Thanks again.

And don't worry, if you say you hate me and never want to talk to me, that's fine.

I hope your happy with a dope feind.


xx Kar-lee

Oh, Whore.

Finally a place and time I can talk about my feelings, and not everybody elses. Finally a time that they matter.

Hah

They'll never matter.

This is fucked up, no, this is *beyond* fucked up. It's si fucked up, it's looping back to normal. Maybe it's karma, though I tried my best to stay on the good side. This time I swear it's not my fault.

Well Whore,

Everyone was fucking right.

Well Whore, here it is, my heart is now offically being pored all over you bianry code.

Every morning I wake up, happy, refreshed, ready to go. But I just sit there, and I start thinking about how useless it is to do anything, I can't find a point to even get out of bed. So I just lay there untill one or two, then I force myself out of bed because I know if I don't I won't get up. I have to be told to eat, or else I won't. I either don't care enough to, or I forget all together.
I mostly sit in the same spot, the same postion and not say a word all day because my mind cant think of anything other then "Why the fuck should I talk when we just repeat the same things over everyday?" So I say nothing. And when I do talk, I don't say things other then yes, no or maybe. If something good happens in the day, I'm only happy for awhile untill my head starts comming up with the wor st possible things it could. So i try to sleep, but i cant. so i stay up at night noticing the small unimportant details in life, because its the only amusment i find. and when i do start to sleep, i have night terrore and the whole prosses starts again.

Everyday I constantly have to lie and say I'm happy, I was hoping I'd start to believe it, but that never will happen. Maybe I'm just not meant to be happy. Maybe it's something in my genetic build up that permits it.

Or maybe I just enable myself to not be.

I'm scared Whore, I can't trust myself. I go to take a pill for a headache, I have to restrain my self from taking the bottle. I go to bath, I have to in shallow water or else I try to drown. I can't cope with this anymore I want out!

I'm sorry,

KarleeKaustic.

Hey Whore..

I don't know if this is a rant, or me spilling my heart all over your non-exsistant heart. I suppose it could be either, or perhaps even both?

So forth;

i'm in pain, again. I have the sickest filling of utter and total apathy, and there's nothing I can do about it. Why is it life never goes how you want it, why is it so fucked up nothing will ever turn out to be even remotely close to your perception of normalcie?

Why do I feel this utter sickness everyday and have no way to stop it? No one understands when I tell them, hell, I don't even understand myself..

But I've learned to believe it's real, and in my heart, I know it's real.

Why am I such a fool Whore? Maybe in your data-based brain you could compose me an answer you found on google.

Ta'