Well Whore, here it is, my heart is now offically being pored all over you bianry code.

Every morning I wake up, happy, refreshed, ready to go. But I just sit there, and I start thinking about how useless it is to do anything, I can't find a point to even get out of bed. So I just lay there untill one or two, then I force myself out of bed because I know if I don't I won't get up. I have to be told to eat, or else I won't. I either don't care enough to, or I forget all together.
I mostly sit in the same spot, the same postion and not say a word all day because my mind cant think of anything other then "Why the fuck should I talk when we just repeat the same things over everyday?" So I say nothing. And when I do talk, I don't say things other then yes, no or maybe. If something good happens in the day, I'm only happy for awhile untill my head starts comming up with the wor st possible things it could. So i try to sleep, but i cant. so i stay up at night noticing the small unimportant details in life, because its the only amusment i find. and when i do start to sleep, i have night terrore and the whole prosses starts again.

Everyday I constantly have to lie and say I'm happy, I was hoping I'd start to believe it, but that never will happen. Maybe I'm just not meant to be happy. Maybe it's something in my genetic build up that permits it.

Or maybe I just enable myself to not be.

I'm scared Whore, I can't trust myself. I go to take a pill for a headache, I have to restrain my self from taking the bottle. I go to bath, I have to in shallow water or else I try to drown. I can't cope with this anymore I want out!

I'm sorry,

KarleeKaustic.