Hello;

I feel `kinda funny; it's really unexplainable. It's like a deep hurt and confusion mixed into a deadly cocktail; if that makes much sense. How could I be so stupid to do what I did; to fall for what I have? It's my fault for the pain, for being stupid and ignorant, but how could I not help myself?

We all want perfection; I thought I found it but it's so far; i'm sorry for hurting you with that. Maybe one day i'll grow out of it, and i'll be able to make you happy again? I'm so lost I can't make sense of my words even; they all just spill out into a careless mess. Is that what I am; Careless? Careless for your feelings and my own? I'm even more lost now; i've only confused myself with this mess. I turned something beautiful into something ugly and complex. I'm a fucking fool.

But I can't stop what I feel; I want to crawl in a hole and die because of that. But I know that would hurt you more; so how can I stop? I just need answers. Like why I love him... Ta <3